One of the strangest months of my life..

2010 is here and with the arrival of the new decade brought something strange to my life. It brought me panic attacks & insomnia. I've never been one to have to ever struggle with some sort of mental condition in my life, it's something totally new. Enough time has passed that I can pretty much talk about it on here.



It all started on January 04, the evening before my road test. When I went to bed that evening, I felt fine. I laid in bed from 11:30 through to 01:30 and I had not slept a wink - I thought, well - I'm not really that tired but I'll continue to lay here. As the next hour passed me by without any sleep, I got up and sat on the couch for a bit wondering what was wrong with me. At this point, I realized that I had my road test to take in the morning and began to think - "Oh My God..what if I don't sleep? I'm not going to be alert enough, I'm not going to pass." This alone caused me to stress out. I grabbed my iPod, went into our spare bedroom and tried to get some rest. I did not. Eventually, the night passed me by and 6 am arrived. I got up, cooked some breakfast and went out the door to meet my instructor. At this point, my legs were shaking and I was completely exhausted. Against my better judgment, I took the road test anyway and barely failed.



That whole week would continue much of the same way with a mixture of hardcore panic attacks (heart palpitations + shortness of breath) and general stomach sickness until I would manage to pass out. Some nights, I'd get 2-4 hours sleep and some nights I would get around 6-8 hours. It was hard to function, they eventually worked their way into my daily activities. Eventually, I sought out some help and I was given something to basically operate on a day to day basis.



It's been going on and off for a month now. Some nights I get 5 hours sleep and some I get 7 or 8. I haven't had a totally sleepless night since the 04th of January and the attacks have totally stopped. I'm starting to feel a little better. As time goes on, it seems to help. That's all I can really do. Either time will make this problem go away or I'll have to learn to live with it. Either way, I'll manage.



Ash has been fantastic through it all, she really has. I love her to death and I can't imagine having someone take care of me to the level that she has. I really had made a great choice on July 26th, 2008.



Other than that, I've been reading a lot (finished 4 books in January alone) and renting a few movies. Read a John Connolly book, a Spider-Man graphic novel, a book about the wrestling industry in a whole and Rey Mysterio's biography. Working on the 4th Dexter book, and have 2 Stephen King books on the horizon as well as James Frey's first novel "Bright Shiny Morning". Rented "The Hurt Locker" last night (a best picture nominated film), intense film that in the end didn't grab me like I thought it would. Also, bought Zombieland yesterday. Fantastic movie.

Haven't really done a lot for MD.com in about two weeks or so. Looking forward to a few things. Oscars are coming up and some movies are being released that look rather great (Shutter Island).

Ash is headed to NFLD in April to spend time with our niece and nephew. I'm taking my sister over for Easter that weekend and generally, things seem to be looking up.

I'll be okay.

January 05, 2010

*When you have had maybe 3 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours, John K Samson's acoustic EP is probably not the best thing to listen to.

*Had my road test today, due to the aforementioned lack of sleep, I did not pass. Made a lot of stupid mistakes, my nerves were shot. As Ash said this morning on the way to the test, "I'd hate to see you go through an actual life crisis." I get myself all worked up for nothing, constantly. Ah well, I'll be better focused and more driven (get it?) to get it next time.

*Thinking about going to Halifax in March to see Our Lady Peace perform all of 1997's "Clumsy" as well as other tunes. Why not? That album was pretty important in molding my musical taste even though I do not really listen to anything similar to that anymore.

*Almost finished Uncharted 2 for the PS3. Great game. You can take a look at Matty's review on http://www.moderndistraction.com

*Could not believe my eyes last night during WWE Monday Night RAW as Bret Hart showed up and buried the hatchet with longtime rival (both professional and personal), Shawn Michaels. Didn't seem real. Would have been cooler to see it happen in Montreal, or any Canadian city rather than Dayton, Ohio. Sort of annoyed that with Bret signing a short-term contract with WWE, that there are no episodes of RAW being televised from Canada. It's a crime against patriotism!

*Dying to see Sherlock Holmes. Hopefully I can get myself over to Sydney this weekend to check it out.

December 20th, 2009

* Despite getting my wish to see Disney's new Christmas Carol in non-3D format, I have declined my wife's invite to go see it. Ash went to see it about a month and a half ago when it initially opened and has no problem seeing it a second time, I just no longer feel like it. I even went as far as to send Empire Theatres an email complaining. Maybe I'm just starting to become lazy, or just reserved to the North Side.

* Christmas shopping is 100% finished, I avoided the malls on the most insane shopping day of the year, go me! I'm excited. Christmas is only 5 days away, I'm done and family is coming home. I only have to struggle through 3 more days of work and I'm done like dinner. Turkey Dinner!

* Vanilla Egg Nog exceeds regular Egg Nog in every way.

* Went to see Christmas Carol at the Savoy Theatre in Glace Bay. It's a 1 man show but he has some help from puppeteers, sound effects, vocal recordings and audience participation. I was completely amazing, one of the best live theatre experiences of my life. Check out a short clip here: http://tinyurl.com/y8rbmhs

* Enjoyed SNL's "new" Christmas Special, a collaboration of old SNL sketches from years passed and a few new ones with new SNL recurring character, Gilly. Seemed like a strange choice as she's barely been a part of the show to begin with.

* That's it!

Christmas Shopping & Other Things.

* So, it's November 27, 2009 and I've just about finished my Christmas shopping. Well, I'm about 90% done. Not bad. I would have been done earlier had I had more money. Not that I'm broke or anything - but I'm making about half of what I've been making the last two years.

* I recently posted this blog as my primary blog on MD. I was using LJ for a while and after switching back and forth consistantly, I decided it would be a good idea to finally choose one. LJ is okay, I liked it a lot..but I like the layout here better.

* I love writing for MD. I've also slowly been crossing over my wrestling blog with the site with several different wrestling columns. I mean, I might as well..why not?

* I'm loving this season of House, it's been pretty fantastic. Someday, I would like to do an article with something to do with that show. It's easily my favorite thing on TV - well, other than SNL. Something on SNL would be good too. I might start reviewing each episode. Sounds like an idea to me.

* My beloved Maple Leafs are pulling out a few wins, which is nice - I was getting rather tired of them losing several games in a row. Hey, they're still losing but at least not as extensively as before.